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The ALL-NEW Caption Competition

Unfortunately I have to rely on the missus voting for me, and she finds me as funny as a boil on the arse.
 
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Hey Billy, sponsor me for the 'SWATathon' - I've got to shoot as many bank robbers as I can in 3 mins - it's like Kill Bill meets Supermarket sweep - shall I put you down for $1 a kill, 2 for a headshot?
 
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As well as being issued with the latest high tech hearing aids, the worlds first all deaf SWAT team had developed a sophisicated system for communicating in the field
 
ROUND 6 RESULTS

MY LIST

1st Place: Dermot
"Bates, come here, looks like we got another distress call, let me read it..."'Please help....stuck in village but underwater...can't explain...also, I'm a gnome....please hurry.....'

2nd Place: jaygrim
Welcome to the semi finals of extreme pictionary

3rd Place: BobbyBox
As the S.W.A.T Ice cream van pulled up - Geoff took down the orders of what everybody wanted

HER LIST

1st Place: freddyboy
Hey Billy, sponsor me for the 'SWATathon' - I've got to shoot as many bank robbers as I can in 3 mins - it's like Kill Bill meets Supermarket sweep - shall I put you down for $1 a kill, 2 for a headshot?

2nd Place: tiktiktiktik
"And at step 3 you add water to the mix and the oven should be warm enough by now to continue with step 4"

3rd Place: Aliboy
"I'm telling you, this evidence is stuck to my hands" - "Hmmmmm, so it is"

Three different winners again, amazing how a sense of humour can differ so much. Also, the missus says "you're all clever dudes".
 
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SEASON THREE: ROUND 7 (8th February - 15th February)
Please remember to read the rules on the first page of the thread

With it being Valentine's Day on Thursday...

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Jane lived at number 42 but seeing as she'd eaten all her previous boyfriends she collected Valentine's cards from all the other houses in the street
 
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(In card) Please dont laugh, enclosed in this is the results from lasts weeks captions.... you laugh.... you die

signed JB
 
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Jane laughs at the Valentine's card sent by her husband's killer
(In card) - We have locked up your husband and each day we are cutting off a finger or toe until we get payed a £1m ransom.
 
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"I'm bankrupt and I've got a small penis; all I can offer you is my undying love.

P.S. - If you laugh at that I'll kill you you bitch."
 
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"To the lady at 61,
You were always a bit of a hon,
Then one day you got,
8 teeth capped on the trot,
And now when I see you I run!"


To Clodagh,

Happy Valentines Day

From Jim
 
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Roses are blue
Violets are red
Im crap with colours
But wicked in bed
 
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Roses are red
Viagra is blue

Lets be honest love its the only way I am gonna get an erection to see to you
 
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Tim7's sister "accidentally" opens his mail and finds a Valentine's card from CW next door - and only a week after saying they'd make such a cute couple
 
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"Whilst reading the saucy text in her valentines card Doreen can't help but start making handjob movements"*

*see right hand and fence
 
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".....every week it's just the same...I can never make her laugh the way I make you laugh...it's so obvious every week when our caption comp results are completely different...."
 
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"Chris Wright was very protective of his Mum and hated the constant attention she got from all the village men in Wharton"
 
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